After taking my UBER awesome group of regulars home from downtown, via a Viva Burrito run and other assorted hilarity (Thanks Mitch, John, Tim and Jade!  You guys all rule and I loves ya!), I headed home.

A job popped up on the board AT my apartment complex, so I figure, sure, why not. One last ride before calling it a night. I get there, and the fare is waiting for me.  The guy gets in, identifies himself as the right passenger on my board, and off we go….back downtown, the address being in the homeless/wino/droog central area by 21st and Lawrence.

After a quick ride there, he starts to get out of the cab saying something about needing to get the money for the ride from a friend, at which point I slap the car locks and tell him he can leave the car ONLY if he gives me his ID and collateral. So he does. His REAL ID and his cellphone.

And then he boogied.

The cops who arrived to take my statement and issue the warrant for his arrest lol’d…as did I.

Also, at 4am on Lawrence between 22nd ave and 23rd, there are always about two hundred winos, pimps, dealers and lowlifes panhandling anyone who stops there.  Its amazing to me to see what appeared to be the alien abduction of those 200  douchebags when two cop cars pull up with their flashers going.  It was almost like a Penn and Teller magic trick.  In the space of the first flasher going off and perhaps two heartbeats later, all two hundred slouching scumbags just vanished.  I kept waiting for Mulder and Scully to round the corner looking for little grey men or something.  It was breathtaking.

First up:  I love Vaping, and after a month of being completely smoke free because of it…I love it.

And the bullets o’ ranting:

1. Most “mods” (custom made e-cigarette gear) are junk. Or I should say:  crap, crap, CRAP, MEGACRAP!  –this also goes for 90% of the standard junk foisted upon an unsuspecting public as “e-cigarettes” as well.
2. 90% of said “mods” -good AND bad- look like weird uncle Ned built the stuff in that sub-basement where a certain fictional serial killer whined about putting the lotion on.
3. In the 21st century most of this equipment is put together with bits of wire and absorbent materials, glue, duct tape, baling wire and is, in general, about as far away from hi-tech as the aforementioned weird Uncle Ned, who thinks email is something you pay extra for at the post office.
4. MOST of these e-cigarette “mods” are so horribly overpriced as to enter “plaid-speed”. Which leads to point 6:
5. Vaping can be a very VERY expensive hobby. Think of that word (hobby) as code for “obsession”.
6. Higher voltage, while giving very “cigarette”-like heat doesn’t necessarily mean a good time.
7. Higher voltage can mean vaping is similar to inhaling burnt toast. (Not always, but yeah.)
8. The ECF (the main forum where all the “coool kids” hang out) reminds me of a clique of those who “get it” vs. everyone else. It also reminds me of a lot of West Virginia sometimes. (This is NOT a happy memory.) –please don’t take this as totally bad…lotta’ good info in there, but it has a not so awesome tone…to me.
9. Most of the innovations in e-cigarettes advances are happening in China and Europe, and not here.  Here in the US it seems like we are just taking existing stuff and ‘tweaking it’, ‘modding it’ or ‘fiddling’.  This point could go on a HUGE rant about what this country is losing/has LOST, but I’ll just leave it here as it is, because it’s pretty self explanatory.  -sigh.

After a LOT of personal research and more than a few $$$ spent on some dodgy gear (love the brits for that word “dodgy”), I have realized there is a reason that while I LOVE the video reviews and most of the reviewers on youtube that are putting their faces and reputations out there, I haven’t broken down and dumped $$$ for this stuff.  That reason is:

V I S U A L

Period.

Currently I use this device, the eGo-T, and not only is it functional and works like a charm (for me) , it is sleek, elegant in its design and hi-tech in its appearance:

Most “mods” on the other hand are absolutely ridiculous looking. From uber-steampunk stuff like this:

300+ bucks with all the doodads for that steampunk-about-town panache! Or Darth Vader.

…to utterly cheezy (though functional) stuff like this:

35 dollars for about a 10 buck investment in stuff at Radio Shack.

…AND BEYOND! to absolutely frackingly laughable designs like this buck rogers monstrosity:

or another massive amount of $$$ for some plastic stuff and a stupid interface from the 70's.

I am a tech by trade, an uber-science fiction/fantasy geek/writer by hobby and a person who would, if I could, live in a time where we as a species have moved on to bigger and better things.

Sticking a tube in my mouth  that looks like Kyle Reese put it together in a cheap motel room in order to blow up Ahhnullld is not sleek, sexy, cool or in any way a desire of mine.

All hope is not lost however. This just might do the trick until I can find an e-cig that is powered by linux:

If this works even a TENTH as good as it looks....I'm soooo there.

Oh yeah, and guess who created this one?  Yep, not a US based company.  Oh well, Firefly rocked, so I guess learning Chinese won’t be a bad thing.  :-)

First off, a bit of background. For the last twenty nine years (that long already?) I’ve been a smoker. Of cigarettes. I started out with the things simply to just stay awake in boot camp when I joined the Navy, and quit for awhile right after. I switched out to a tobacco pipe thinking that would ease me off of a habit I really didn’t want…but…I was hooked on the nicotine, and within a year I was a confirmed smoker.

As the years have rolled on, I have thought about quitting many times, but…I REALLY REALLY like the habit itself. The nicotine helps me think, and the fiddly bits of smoking have become ingrained.

As a normally non-addictive type (no drug abuse, no alcohol addiction, etc., etc.,) what has always griped me about smoking is that the one thing in cigarettes that we smokers are after…and what “hooks” us…is also the one thing in cigarettes that is NOT a “kill you dead” ingredient.

Yep. Nicotine. With this legal product (cigarettes), there about 4000 (not kidding) chemicals and ingredients involved, and a TON of these bits WILL kill you. They are known as ‘carcinogens’, not too mention that you’re inhaling carbon monoxide as well. (think: wrap yer mouth around a car’s tailpipe and inhale while its running.)

From every study I’ve looked at, from every paper pushed out there, even from the flaming wacko anti-smoker crowd, nicotine is about as evil as caffeine in the doses a smoke provides. Its one drawback is that is HIGHLY addictive and about as hard a habit to kick as heroin once begun. The brain/body loves dis’ stuff once its been introduced.

While yes, its technically a poison, you would have to drink a bottle of the stuff all at once in one go for the nasty bits to kick in, and last I checked, that isn’t on my current short term or long term agenda.

So…for the last several years I’ve begun the search to replace the habit or just quit. (I’ve tried cold turkey twice and as for me this was NOT the way to do it.)

I tried the patch. (waste of time as although you get nicotine, you do NOT get the fiddly bits of smoking which are enjoyable to me.)

I tried e-cigarettes…the kind you can get at the mall kiosks/7-11 and smoke shops.

Naming names here: Njoy, BLU, Xhale02, Gamucchi are some of the main culprits.

They were mostly nasty tasting (njoy you listening?), produced almost little to no “smoke” and generally the batteries lasted…er…DIDN’T last worth a crap, and the nicotine cartridges were ridiculously expensive and ran out of “juice” quickly. So…

So…back to smoking. -sigh.

Recently though I ran across a web advert for e-cigarettes again, but it wasn’t one of the bigger rip-off outfits that I’ve just rambled about. It was a review site that put some of the products out there through their paces and wasn’t affiliated with any of them. I started reading…

…and like the tech I am at heart, I really started to investigate the “e-cigarette” scene, which isn’t called that at all. Its known as “Vaping”. As in water vapor which is the “smoke” that you exhale from an e-cigarette. Not only that, but this “scene” is exploding with small mom/n/pop online shops for not just the hardware, but the nicotine juice (called e-juice) that you can puff with these devices.

There are literally THOUSANDS of different flavors/strengths and combinations of juice to suit every taste/style out there, and on top of that, you can mix your own.

I was overwhelmed with information at first, and realized that I was seeing the beginning of a new industry. The last time I saw this kind of enthusiasm and participation was about twenty or so years ago…and it was called “The PC Revolution”. Hobbyists and small time operators getting together to create a new tool…and look what happened with that!

So after much reading, and some trepidation, I followed several YouTube reviewers, watched their videos on the hows whys and wherefores as well as a ton of product reviews, and ordered my first e-cigarette kit called the “eGo”. (This kit only cost me 49 dollars by the way, which is less than ONE CARTON of the cigarettes I was using at the time.)

Pictures here:

So on the top there, you see the kit unboxing, and on the bottom an eGo e-cigarette. The little light there under my finger is a power button to run the battery that powers an atomizer which heats the juice to make the vapor.

After my first inhale on this device, I sat for a moment, exhaled a cigarette cloud of smoke…and got an immediate buzz. I also got a good throat thump (known as a throat hit) just like a cigarette. And the flavor of the juice that I ordered (see pic on top for the little bottles) was….awesome.

I took another hit. Sat a bit staring at this little unit. Then I smiled. I walked into the kitchen, grabbed the pack of smokes sitting on the counter and crushed it in my hand. Then I tossed that in the garbage.

Ten days later I’m still completely smoke free, and vaping has replaced a nasty habit with one that doesn’t stink, doesn’t kill me and tastes…well it tastes whatever I want it to! Kona Cream anyone? Cappuccino? Flue cured tobacco? Honey infused tea? Blueberry Waffles? —I’m not kidding on that last one.

Posts that will follow in this section will include mini-reviews of vaping stuff such as hardware and juices, and a continued diary of me NOT SMOKING.

As a final bit to this, in the last week, I’ve noticed I have my breath back. I am tasting foods and drinks almost as if for the first time. I feel better than I have in literally years.

And the FDA wanted to outlaw this, or control it as much or more-so than cigarettes. –this could loop back to my government is a bunch of morons sections. Thank goodness they lost their appeals on these products, as in my opinion, they have saved my life.

Last final bit, I need to SHOUT TO THE HOUSETOPS a MASSIVE THANKYOU!!!! to:

Grimm Green and Doctor Vapor on YouTube for their awesome reviews and instructional videos on how to “vape”. There are many others there but these two were my primary sources of info.

Wednesday, 06/01/2011
=====================

Wednesday, 06/01/2011 07:08:56 PM
Booked in and ready to roll. Some jobs out there, but at the moment my zones are quiet. Futzing with this journal tool called “Rednotebook”. Pretty nice interface.

Wednesday, 06/01/2011 07:23:22 PM
First bell call. 80th/sheridan-king soopers. On it.
short hop with groceries. deaf in one ear, and possible brain leak in the other, but hey, fare was paid.

Wednesday, 06/01/2011 07:39:18 PM
bell call. house of babes -short hop. cleared at Wednesday, 06/01/2011 07:54:09 PM

Wednesday, 06/01/2011 07:54:23 PM -rolling to get signal to meter. -blargh. This is annoying as hell. There are deadzones in the northern ‘burbs to our autocab computer system…gps works great, but no signal…no jobs.

Wednesday, 06/01/20117: 59:01 PM bell walmart short hop
clear at Wednesday, 06/01/2011 08:13:46 PM

Wednesday, 06/01/2011 08:22:11 PM staged at 92nd/sheridan kinkos. email check.

Wednesday, 06/01/2011 08:39:41 PM bell call to Saudi Arabian student apartments. 112th ave.
Semi-regular customer. Good guy and tips. probably will direct call for return after the movies.
cleared at Wednesday, 06/01/2011 09:02:10 PM

staging at the Westin Hotel at Wednesday, 06/01/2011 09:02:25 PM
doorman pokin’ his nose about. douchebag…Sent him on his way with “on hold for one of your customers”. lol.
Bells are piling up in Aurora again but dead in my neck of the woods. might re-stage over at Starbucks again for wifi. -typical Wednesday. hopefully it will pick up in a bit.

Wednesday, 06/01/2011 09:20:37 PM bell call to fed/80th liquor store. sigh.. we’ll see.
Oh wait. its L the Asian-micro-mini-massage therapist.
Mouth like a sailor, barely speaks English, and hilarious every time she gets in my cab.
“My ex, he have-a the sex with an old beetch. I tell him…you go away…stupid bastard…I mean, have-a the sex with young honey, no problem, but old used up beetch? I divorce him last year…bastard.” -just one of the quotes during the ride.
Cleared Wednesday, 06/01/2011 09:41:27 PM

Wednesday, 06/01/2011 09:41:49 PM bell to players club to pick up used car salesman who was seriously hammered. Got him home as Big B (regular) called for a ride. Wednesday, 06/01/2011 10:02:21 PM

Dropped B and his girlfriend L at the trailer. Took a bio break and got smokes at 7-11 with meter stopped to avoid another call.

cleared at Wednesday, 06/01/2011 10:22:27 PM

staging at 7-11. Board died off a bit. change up time. rolling for more coffee at starnobles. If no calls, I might as well.

Wednesday, 06/01/2011 10:33:07 PM mmmm coffee goooood. All set for the next half o’ the evening. board is picking up. might bid something just for a change o’ pace if no bell……….er……… damn it all. firehouse tavern bell. 104th and quivas with the ladiesnightfreebeer idiots. x’in fingers that its not, but hey.

cleared at Wednesday, 06/01/2011 10:51:00 PM and it was a good fare/tip/plus round trip at the end of the night. -maybe.

staged at kinkos again for wifi at Wednesday, 06/01/2011 10:59:41 PM

Wednesday, 06/01/2011 11:16:10 PM bell for at amc theatres for my semi-regular customer and back to Arabia apartment land with him!

cleared at Wednesday, 06/01/2011 11:31:47 PM

looks like I’m going to get belled immediately…unless that bid is a van job. we will see…..oh this fracking stupid cab computer…it loses signal to base all the damn time…and I’m betting I just lost a gig because of it….again. sigh. yep. job gone. FRACK. rolling back to my stage point. blargh.

bid call at Wednesday, 06/01/2011 11:54:42 PM -dammit that should have belled to me, but noooooooo. got it anyway. house call.

Thursday, 06/02/2011 12:43:00 AM cleared….gads. The droogs were wanted by the cops. At pickup location, black/n/white is looking for someone…cop approaches my car and as my address looks bogus we’re both sitting at the entrance to the place (townhomes). He gives me a description of the woman he’s looking for and asks for a 911 callback if my ride matches up. A couple minutes later I hook up with my fare for a 4 block ride. They were a couple not matching the description the cop gave me, but acting weird plus… 4 blocks…uh, yeah. Arvada PD wanted to talk to the woman because apparently she flipped/crashed/wrecked her car and ran. The two droogs that got in the car went 4 blocks….and were really sweating the fact that the cops wanted to speak with them or the woman. My job isn’t to deal with confrontation, so dropped them off. Turns out that the two in the car didn’t match his description, BUT the lady waiting for em’ with a beat up P.O.S. 4×4 at the gas station DID. some nights…sheesh. Anyway, their license plate was bent up…and off they went. (They paid and tipped though, so what the hey!)
I called 911 as requested by the officer that had been looking for the suspect.
After chatting with 911 dispatch…off I went as well.

Picking up my regular at Charlie’s web now. Back to normal.
Thursday, 06/02/2011 12:46:02 AM

Staging at Electric Cowboy now at Thursday, 06/02/2011 01:20:36 AM

Thursday, 06/02/2011 01:53:38 AM -called a slightly early night. Made lease plus some. works fer me.

Thursday, 06/02/2011
====================

Thursday, 06/02/2011 06:54:38 PM -made a lease payment at Metro HQ. Rolling to northern burbs to start the night.

Thursday, 06/02/2011 07:14:13 PM- booked in zone 214. board is clear in my neck of the woods. Sitting at Kinko’s enjoying a wonderful sunset…well soon to set anyway. gorgeous and 85degrees out right now.

Thursday, 06/02/2011 08:29:59 PM -hoping to jinx the job board into a call into my zone by typing about it here. Took a break for dinner, watched the sun set into the west and caught up on email,f.book, twitter stuff, political reading, and now updating this here journal. One gig up my way, but waaaay up north at 136th at the walmart. Too far to go for a guaranteed short hop ride. blargh.

Thursday, 06/02/2011 08:32:43 PM-flatirons crossing. got one! Rolling.

Thursday, 06/02/2011 10:02:16 PM
Okay. bell bell bell. Since my last entry, I’ve rolled the flatirons call (with Canadians….oooh 50 cent tip on a 20buck ride. Gotta luv them canucks. -sigh. Then nailed a drunk/sick/latino guy who missed his bus. He tipped a buck….on 6, so latinos 1 canucks 0. Then right after that a regular call from Big B for a ride from the laundromat to home…short hop, but he’s always a good ride and tipper. THEN immediately bell’d to walmart. Lady had a TON of groceries, stocking up as her husband and her are in town for seasonal pool construction work. Nice tip. And now, sitting at 72nd/Sheridan near drug transaction central at the McDonalds. board died off, so gonna roll back up to my stage zone at Starnobles.

Thursday, 06/02/2011 10:21:23 PM regular call from Old Town tavern. rolling. Again a short hop, nice tip. (gotta love regulars!)

Thursday, 06/02/2011 11:01:37 PM board is STILL dead. This is a slow Thursday, and I’m irritated a bit. I’m pushing up on rent this month, and I didn’t need a slow week…of course murphy’s law, and now I’m knockin’ on wood to avoid the cabbie gods wrath.

Oh yeah. Cabbie gods. They are a subset of the serviceindustrygods, inc./tm. who dole out good/bad nights/days to those of us taking care of the public. My twitter buddy LVCabchronicles has mentioned that the cabbie gods forbid two days in a row of good fares, and I’m hard pressed at this point to dispute that claim. Of course, its not quite bar rush time yet, so hey.

Oh and I will again re-iterate just how much I think the invention of the laptop/netbook touchpad is the result of drinking drano by some 5th avenue marketing dude. I pine for the old IBM trackpoint keyboards (with the little eraser in the middle) which didn’t go ballistic if you breathed on the damn thing wrong. meh.

Board is picking up again, but nothing in my zones as of yet. I should move out of this area (old town arvada) as I’m in position 2 and that’s usually not the best position to be in. Yep. blazing a bit further north at Thursday, 06/02/2011 11:07:34 PM

Thursday, 06/02/2011 11:15:15 PM belled to hutches blue bar (seriously divey biker bar on the north side). Quick ride. A regular call to platinum 84 and then quickly another call at Thursday, 06/02/2011 11:55:06 PM to Firehouse tavern. Gettin’ busier.

Dropped firehouse tavern and cleared….and then the damn board went dead. This is a strange thursday. sigh. Oh well. Picking up another regular at Charlie’s Web on 88th in a short bit, and bar rush is coming up in about an hour. Might roll late tonight fishing for DIA calls. Not sure yet.

Regular P84 customer called…as did P84. Got my regular…I think the cops got the other customers as they weren’t out front…but a Fed.Heights cop was bustin’ some folks in the parking lot. ka-whups.

Finished the night and….(about 30 minutes later at Friday, 06/03/2011 03:08:58 AM

So, p84 called again for a stripper pickup right as I got home…and of course I’ll roll to that call as they are good customers, but….strippers are sometimes the ultimate airheads (my regular girls being wonderful exceptions) and this one….stood me up. Got there and she had left…how? The doorman didn’t have a clue and he was pissed, because he called for her. This is NOT anything new though. The largest group of “no jobs” I get on a nightly basis are almost ALWAYS strip joints. Either the customers decide to get in their car and chance it or the stripper gets a ride from a customer, and I end up wasting a trip. Tis part of the game, and I get it, but I doth grindeth my teeth about it from time to time.

Back home and…

So fair journal, I leave you now for other home stuff and will commence the nightly journey in about twelve hours. Gonna roll early on Friday.

————
Oh and all real names have been changed to protect the idiots/droogs/goofballs as well as the cool folks who inhabit my “office” from time to time!

So. I haven’t posted in a bit. Actually not all that much worth posting. It seems I’ve hit a lull with crazy cab rides, but not crying about that.

The silence of the feedback doth concern me a bit with my novel, but…one person has come back and told me that it was ‘awesome’ and gave me some valuable 3rd person editing eyes to fix some typo’s and such, so thats all good.

Next up for the novel is to put together some query letters and start hitting up agents. VE VILL SEE!

I’m also banging on the outline for book two in the series and shaping that up. Should start actually writing again in a week or so, but I learned my lesson regarding my writing style and outlines a few years ago. The very reason the first book is DONE is due to forcing myself to stay with a fairly rigid outline. A few years back I started on a grand sci-fi magnum opus and after three hundred plus pages, I discovered, much to my dismay, that I had (as some authors call it) “written myself off a cliff” by taking the story in a direction that dead ended.
Mega-uber-yuck to that. (And until you’ve written 3-400 pages of material only to discover that it was a complete waste of time, you cannot possibly know just HOW yuck that was.)

Let’s see, what other wonderment is going on lately, hmmm…

In the taxi. I’ve gotten some more regular customers, which is getting me close to having to schedule rides on the weekends. This is a goooooooood thing.

I’ve had a few nutjobs over the last couple months, but nothing uber memorable or worth jotting down. My prior entries about taxi customers are still the winners.

Once I get a smartphone next month, I think I’m going to start tweeting the way my favorite Las Vegas Cabbie LV Cabbie Chronicles does. His on the spot tweets are hilarious and sometimes spookily similar to my evening in the car…well except for the ‘door guys’ at the casinos. My door guys are awesome and usually call me direct.

So file this post under “my stuff” and keep it safe out there!

Rollin on.

What I find humorous in a sad Catch-22 sorta’ way is that all of the guidelines say:

1.Do THIS!
2. Don’t do THIS!
3. god help you if you do THIS!
4. Stephanie Meyer and Terry Goodkind suck ass. (but are now zillionaires.)

And yet…and yet…many of the writers who are selling like hotcakes break all of those rules. I’m not talking about well established previously published types, rather relative newcomers.

The other gripe I’ve got is that if you READ about getting your work published, you will get the impression that its impossible or nigh unto that nether region…BUT. (always a but eh?)…

99% of the paper tween jackets at your local B&N is utter dreck. I remember picking up a YA adventure fantasy novel a few months ago, and by page 10 I wondered if the writer had an editor, and if said editor was f’ing blind, because what had reached the print stage was worse than my first rough draft.

Of course my work might be no better than that to some, as each set of eyes sees something different, but it does give me hope for my own stuff.

And then, OF COURSE, I read a blog that says that High Fantasy doesn’t sell to the YA market and that its all been done. And then I cry…until I read the meat of the blog entry which whines about stuff like Eragon. (which of course made its writer a ton of moola’.) Then I feel better again.

Back at it!

That and I still felt pretty sore from the wreck the prior week.

The most interesting bit about the holiday that I can come up with is…it was the busiest holiday I’ve EVER seen, and it made the July 4th weekend seem like a picnic.

The call boards started lighting up about 5pm and by the time I was in my ride, we literally had pages of jobs to bid on.

I had set up several “pre-books” with my regular customers, a few of whom had reserved the car a couple weeks in advance, so I was only taking the open bids until about 9:30pm.

Then after I started picking up the regulars, my phone melted down. It seems that every person who EVER got my business card needed a ride…right the frack now.
Apparently metro’s phone switchboard was having the same problem. By 11pm we were three hours behind on the calls and at about 3am from what I heard it actually went down. Yellow cab’s switchboard had the same problem from what some of my customers told me in the wee hours of the morning after going back to “bell” calls.

It was the first time I’ve had to tell people flat out, “no, can’t do it” since I’ve been cabbin’.

Oh, and it was slickern’ snot as the temps were in the single digits, and the roads were a frozen mess from the snow the prior day. It was an absolute skating rink downtown, with the Auraria Parkway being the worst…a solid lake of black ice. I don’t blame the road maintenance folks though. They were out in force, but it was so blasted cold out that the deice stuff worked…and then the water just refroze again.

I was/am thinking about ditching the Prius as the weekly lease on the car doesn’t make economic sense, but I will say I was damned glad to have a front wheel drive vehicle on this night.

I drove from 6pm until 7am and by the time exhaustion set in and I had to pack it in, there were still enough backlogged jobs on the board to work another 4-5 hours.

Yeah, sure. Not.

A big thanks to all who were in my car that night though. For all the delays and issues getting a ride, everyone I took from one place to another were understanding and cool about it.

My fears, at least from the horror stories I’d read…didn’t happen, and for that I’m truly thankful.

So happy new year to any who happen to be checking this little blog-o-rama corner o’ the universe!

Time to roll!

Well last night I got started with a regular customer who needed a lift home and then got the first “bell” call of the night. Picked up four pretty young women who were headed downtown for a party at Benders (popular night spot in Denver). In my brain is dancing the thought of a very profitable evening as this is a good fare, and I have two other regulars lined up for longer rides right after this.

Well four blocks into the trip, an idiot abruptly ended my night. He was in a Chrysler 300 tank and decided (apparently) that looking before leaving the gas station wasn’t necessary. If you see my profile picture, you’ll see a car that stands out like a neon sign, but apparently that’s not good enough for some road geniuses.

He crossed into the street and slammed directly into the side of my cab on the driver’s side. I will only say this once: My head and shoulders are NOT enjoying the door frame of cars.

My passengers were all okay, if a little shaken up. Their anger was directed toward said idiot person in the other car, and immediately asked me to take their information down in case I needed it for the police. I called dispatch and got them another cab and they went on their merry way, if a bit delayed.

I have to say that after a lot of bad press recently (article in Westword about immigrant cabbies getting the shaft), I personally am not seeing that from my cab company Metro Taxi. They were helpful, got the tow truck and the “safety” to my location quickly and in general took care of their end of things efficiently.

Oh, a “safety” is the term we use for another driver who has taken a course from the company in accident investigation. They get a set fee per accident for doing this but are fellow cab drivers out there on the streets normally. They fill out the reports and take pictures of the accident, as well as deal with the police…not that it was a big deal this time. The officer on scene took one look at the mess and made a beeline for the idiot, already filling out the ticket for the dumbass as he went.

My car? Left side smashed in from the back of the driver door to the end. The rear fascia/bumper was torn off, and just looking at how far we got shoved over on the road, my calculation was that the frame was thrashed.

I ended up as the lone casualty as my shoulder blade felt like someone had put a red hot poker through it, and off to the ER the safety took me once things were settled.

I’m okay, but sore as all get out as I type this, and this morning got a replacement Prius that was turned in (shopped) by another driver who needed another vehicle for DIA runs.

Again, I say thank you Metro for being there through the mess and the stuff/paperwork this morning.

Gonna roll tomorrow. Now where’s that Aleve at?

The other night after taking a dancer home from Platinum84, I clear the meter and head back west on 84th to get into my home zone area. As I’m slowing for a right hand turn, I noticed something very odd…a car in the right lane going east…just sitting there, headlights out. This time of evening it could be just idiot DUI-to-be-ers, but just as I start to look away the driver side door pops open. As I get closer, a woman stumbles into the street waving her arms and screaming bloody murder.

‘Ruh-roh’ is my first thought.

Then she falls to her knees, waving and gesturing at all the helpful people not helping her, rather just driving on by nearly clipping her. As she’s close to the Federal blvd intersection, she is asking to get smeared by someone making a turn, but she’s oblivious. Taking a deep breath, and realizing that I’m not going to be making a nickel for the next hour or two, I pop the hazards on the cab, cross lanes and then put the car in front of her diagonally so she doesn’t get turned into road pizza.

I roll down the window.

“Ma’am what’s wrong?”
Her waving toward the darkened car: “He’s tryin’ to beat me to death!”

I look toward the car and see a guy in the front seat, gesturing at her and angry looking as a pit viper.

“Ruh-roh x 10” is now my thought as visions of murdered people who were ignored by passersby starts floatin’ in my brain. Oh yeah, and murdered cabbies pops in there as well, I won’t deny.

Me: “Get the hell in the car. I’ll get 911”.

She doesn’t blink twice at this and jumps in the back seat. I flip a U-ey and head about a hundred yards away so I can keep an eye on el-Senior who is now out of the other vehicle while I call 911.

This intersection, as an fyi, is close to three gentlemen’s clubs (read: strip bars) and four dive bars plus one dance bar, so there are normally oh, about a platoon of police nearby, and sure enough, not thirty seconds later a platoon of cop cars, an ambulance and a fire/rescue truck come screeching up to the scene.

Woman is hysterical, but I leave her to better hands.

Turns out she had the better end of the deal. She’d practically bitten off one of the guy’s fingers (according to the officer talking near me) and both her and the dude were hauled off to the hospital to sort it all out.

Me? I got writer’s cramp from hand writing what you just read on a police report. The officers on scene thanked me for doing what I did. I thanked them for getting there so fast…which was nice.

I’m still boggled at the number of folks that just kept on going. Of course I know in my head most folks “don’t want to get involved”, but I’ll never understand it.
I rolled on.

Part two: The Pixie Ninja Bitch from Hell (TM)

I’m still a little woozed out and adrenalized out sitting here writing this. I’m going to be one sore unit in the morning. Sigh.

So…the evening started out as a potential disaster as the cab company computers (dispatch/bells/meters) were down and were reported to be staying down for most of the evening. What this amounts to is manually calculating via car mileage the fare amount, and calling dispatch on the cell phone just to get a job.

Turns out my car has an old fashioned fare meter…which still works. Over half the drivers quit for the night because of the problems. This meant that I was rolling hard core on calls like it was the start of a holiday weekend. (GO ME! )

Toward the end of the evening I call into dispatch and get a call at a bar in the zone area I know and pickup/drop off from a lot. I roll to the place, and there are three women…plus two cop cars waiting for lil’ ol’ moi to arrive. Turns out the police had told the three to either get in a cab, or go to detox as two of them were completely and totally shitfaced. No other word other than zombie-fried fits.

After several minutes of futzing about the third woman, who called for the ride and is fairly sober, shuffles the other two into the back, and off we go on a very short hop to her house.

The entire time, one of the women (guess which!) is SCREAMING that she wants to go home to Greeley and WANTS HER CAR!. My ears and eyes are almost bleeding at the end of the five minute ride because motormouth lunatic is sitting directly behind me.

So I pull up, and sober woman pulls catatonic blond drunk woman out first. Screamer then states they she won’t get of the ‘feckin’ cab as the driver has just stolen her keys. As I’m the driver, this is news to me, and I politely tell her the ride is done and to please exit the car. I won’t print what came out of her mouth, but as an old Navy veteran, it was surprising even to me.

I hop out, open the rear door after waving over sober woman to help.

Me: “Ma’am please leave the cab now or I’ll have to call the police back.”

Her:……well not a peep. Rather She-Bitch-From Hell TM turns like a ninja warrior at the speed of light and slaps me so hard across the face my glasses went sailing. Sober woman friend freaks out, and I stumble backward. Then like a cat out of an airport box, she comes hissing and screaming and tries to tear off the cab communications antennae.

I swoop around to try and pull her off my car (visions of damage and shop and no income dancing in my skull, I’ll admit) and she then screams that I’m a thief and have stolen her keys and her car and that the f’ing cabbie should die…

And proceeded to attempt to make it so. I’ll just say that I’ve been in a fight or three, but NEVER ANYTHING AS surreal as this.

It felt like I had a rabid cat jumping all over me, and I had no real way to get her off of at this point. I just put two hands forward and shoved her back. It was like she was on a slinky spring and she was instantly in the air crawling around my back and shoulders (I kid not.) hitting my arms, head and trying to claw out my eyes. I spun around trying to throw her off and it knocked miss sober woman on her butt. I should have let the freak stay on my back. The moment Ninja-Monster TM was clear, I turn my head to find out where she went…when kaboom and stars time. She hit me square in the nose, and I snapped my head back….into the car door frame.
At this point sober woman is freaking worse and sobbing about how sorry she is (very helpful…not). Sober woman’s husband has just come into the yard and manages to pull the lunatic off of my back. I’m just trying not to see three of everything at this point.

He drags her, spitting and screaming into the house and I fumble out my cell phone and dial 911.

Same two cops who were at the bar come screeching up. First one looks at me and I can see the “oh shit” look on his face. I am getting back to just double vision at this point so I tell him what happened in a garbled sentence or three…when ninja nutjob comes walking back out of the house towards us as calm as you please, and my scrambled brain thinks:

“Dear gods this is a beautiful woman.” (Had to have been the door frame affecting me.)

She stands right up to the officers car. I back away to let the cop do his thing. He does the normal search/n/cuff and all is calm…until he tried to get her in the back seat of the cruiser.

Like Jekyll and Hyde, she turned instantly into Ninja Monster TM again. Now to clarify, this girl is 5’2′ish and MAYBE 110 pounds soaking wet, and she nearly knocked the officer off his feet. Then with cuffs on tries to elbow him in the head, which she almost manages. Two other cruisers show up and three police are now trying to stuff Madam Mayhem TM into the car and aren’t having any better luck, when she turns, falls onto the back seat of the cruiser and wham-bam starts kicking them. They drag her out, and slam her against the car and she continues to fight, which then leads to the ground for her, and three officers trying to control her.
Frankly at this point I thought the COPS show needed to have a camera out. This was better than amazing, just for the size difference not making any…difference.

They finally managed to stuff her in the car, and I had yet another police report to fill out, only this time, I am betting money that I’m going to see a courtroom as a witness/victim on this one. Assaulting police officers, blind drunk or no, be a baaaaad thing to do. Oh and cab drivers as well.

Last bit though. I will never, IN MY LIFE, EVER, NEVER EVER, say ANYTHING bad about the police. In my job, I deal with them often for stuff, and after seeing some of the crap I’ve seen, they have one of the shittiest jobs on planet earth for which most people basically call em pigs. Not me…I call them heroes, and now, in this crazy job I’m doing, I get to see it up close and personal.

In Denver at least, the respect is reciprocated to us cabbies as far as I can tell. I have nothing but good things to say about how kind and respectful and FAST they are to help us drivers. We help them on many calls for driving stuff as well as Amber alerts and such as well. I’ve heard in some places this isn’t so, but here in the Mile Hi City, call me a fan.

Now, I’m going to take aspirins and go to bed. I’ll roll tomorrow.